Let me catch myself up.
I am engaged. I've got a GIANT emerald on my finger to prove it.
I have the most wonderful fiancé in the world. I could never have asked for anything better.
Seriously, this guy is the BEST. I have never before cried so many happy tears. Every moment we spend talking about our lives draws my happiness higher as I soar into pure and almost-married bliss. Our life together will be amazing.
Rushing?
-Weren't you just with some guy?
-Where did this other guy come from?
-Isn't this a little soon?
Firstly, yes. I was. I was dating some guy who treated me like shit. He convinced me I was nothing without him and stomped my hopes and dreams into the ground. He stole everything from me, including my pride. I was just with some guy, you're right, internet. But I woke up one morning and decided that my life was better with someone else, and I went for it.
[With every intention, I drove. Heartbroken, tears in my eyes, I went. I knew what I had to do that night. Earlier in the week, I silenced our communication, virtually ending everything. But I he found me, and reminded me what I had with him-true love. Yet, I denied it. So, a day later, with tear-stained cheeks and deep breaths, I went to see him and say a final goodbye. I went to settle down with someone else. As I saw him, I told him that it was the end, that this change was for the better, that I had to do this, that he represented a person I didn't want to be (a cheater), a person I couldn't stand to see in the mirror anymore. But as we talked, and I listened to his voice, the night progressed from a "I'm leaving you forever" to an "I'm getting better and I'm coming back soon." I couldn't walk away. A few days later, I woke up, completely out of love with the asshole, and clinging to the man that will soon be my husband.]
Secondly, this other guy has been around for quite awhile. We started dating in summer, and never really stopped. I was a cheater, sure, but I was meant to be with him and there was a reason I was. Our official date is May 27th. I'm sure I wrote a blog for it...May 28th, 2011 Ah, how conflicted I was. Looking back it was so obvious who was right for me. I guess it's just hard to see past someone who changed you so much.
[It was right after the break-up. He was messing around on his computer, and I went across the room, by the sinks, and curled up into the fetal position. He heard my soft sobs and came to comfort me. I couldn't stand the fact that he was comforting me as I cried over another guy; how awful of a girlfriend I was. I told him I was worried. I was worried I would lose him. "Why?" he asked; I was everything he ever wanted and more. "I'm going to change," I replied, half-heartedly. That's just how it was with me. Serious relationships brought a lot of change; my first one made me never want to get married and never want to have kids. And I was right, but not in the way I expected. Where I was ready for pessimism, I got optimism. Where I was looking for hate, I loved and loved and loved. What changed in me is that I am closer to my fiancé than anyone I've ever been with, and more in love than I could possibly imagine.]
Thirdly, no. I may be young, but I have never been I stereotype. I don't "date around;" I have always been very settled and never been in a real relationship less than eight months. Sure, it's my first year of college, but we won't be married until after the second and we'll be taking classes together, so I'm not really worried about us being too young or not knowing what we want or changing our minds or whatever other bullshit people think up. My grandparents met in high school, both had only ever dated each and went through 60 WONDERFUL YEARS of marriage. Nobody told them they were too young, so fuck you, world.
[I had been encouraging him to push the date up. Originally, we were going to wait until late April or May, but I was so excited about everything, I kind of egged him on. However, money was the issue. Books were expensive, and it was the beginning of the year, so he was a little low. But his mother lent him some (as far as I knew) and we went out to our original place: Peter Piper Pizza. We dressed up in classy-ass red and bought 300 tokens. We gamed all night and with 2000 tickets to spend, we had a wonderful time getting candy and picking out prizes. With all the stuff we won in hand, we strolled out into the night air when I saw that he wasn't keeping up. He had stopped and I turned to look at him. Nervousness and love fluttered through his eyes, and I knew. Goodness, it's all such a wonderful blur. He got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him and I said a wonderful yes and these words are driving me to tears because I get to be with the most angelic man forever and I am so excited. He put the ring on my finger, people from inside came out and congratulated us and we went to Ah-So (a Japanese restaurant) as fiancés for the first time.]
-Sunday, November 20, 2011: We walked seven miles trying to get to Filiberto's and became boyfriend/girlfriend again. I said "boyfriend" and cuddled on his arm all night.
-Friday, October 28, 2011: He broke up with me for the first time, and our third time collectively.
"...I'm done with this fucking game, pretending the reason I'm depressed every single fucking day isn't because you broke my heart. Maybe I'll forget about you, maybe. But the scars you left will never heal. I hope that you'll be happy with the relationship you've chosen. Being treated like some dog who can't have friends or free time to yourself. I tried to be decent and treat you well but obviously that's not what you want. so this is the end."
I'm pretty sure I wrote him the saddest and most honest letter ever that day, and I don't think I've ever been sadder in my entire life.
-Sunday, September 4, 2011: I admit that I'm in love with him, finally. I realize that I have been since his birthday. (How could I not be?)
I would just like to say, that in all of my mistakes, being with him has never been one. Every day we spend together and every night I fall asleep next to him have been blessings, every single one. Every fight we have is a bond and every silence we face is a bridge we walk over. We will conquer every mountain in our path, every fire started by the unhappy, and every thing that tries to stop us. We are unstoppable and in love.
'Heartbeats define me,
holding onto heat.
Tummies and being ticklish.
Bring me to the air,
how high on cloud nine,
two unperfect kids,
in a unperfect world,
perfect together'
