March Thirtieth of Twenty Twelve

I LOVE Craigslist. Free stuff if ALWAYS the best section.
Here's some stuff I found:







I don't know, I just think free things are so interesting.

For my art class, I had to go and take pictures of street art/graffiti around a certain section of town.
Here's what I got.






'When I was fifteen I kept my mind clean,
when I was twenty-five.
Warm lighting surrounds the cat,
he was born of sin.'

March Twenty-Eighth of Twenty Twelve

Yesterday made it ten months. One year, one month, and twenty-nine days until I get married.
I am so excited.
I'll wear this dress:(1584)


With a green sash that will go with this garter set: (16)


And each table will be scattered with these: (2.95)


But our centerpieces will be more desert-y: (20)


And our save-the-dates will look like this (but four days forward): (275 for all)


And cupcakes will be involved somehow: (40 or 20)




We haven't decided on rings yet, but I like (2000 or 401.89):




We'll drink Martinelli's from these cups: (60)


By the end of the day, we'll have this to commemorate it: (68)


My youngest bridesmaid will wear the first (94) while the rest wear the second (99):




And here's some miscellaneous that I want to put in our house someday:


















Honestly it doesn't matter to me what anything costs. I love him more than all the money in the world.

'Hot hot hot
as the ice rains down.
Bipolar weather,
bipolar decisions.
Come tonight,
come Friday,
bring the cake.
I'm crying'

Twentieth of March of Twenty Twelve

Oh, sadness, hello.

One of the best relationships I ever had (the second best, mind you) was during my sophomore year. We fell in love against our own will, coming together in drama and ending in silence. It still pains me to know what suffering I have caused him.
I wish I could face him.
I still so desperately want to see him happy. I always have. Maybe if I was calmer, things would have worked out between us-maybe if I were more rash.
I don't know. There's no real justice to it.
But I apologize. I so full-heartedly apologize to you. You showed me kindness and laughter when there was none. I gave you everything you could ask for and then ripped it away. I can only now live with the ache I've caused you. I am so sorry.
I wish I could convince you. That you will find someone else, someone more beautiful, someone more compassionate, someone who will give you more love than I ever could have. Someone who will relate to you on a deeper level, someone who even your friends will like. I wish.
I wish I could share my happiness with you. I drown in joy every day. I wish I could share with you the love I receive because you deserve so much love. You deserve so much of it.

I wish that it didn't hurt you to know that I am happy.
I wish that you were happy instead of me.

I will feel guilt forever. Looming somewhere in the background of my middle-class, married life, I'll look back and remember.

Should I be sorrowful or happy about our past?

The love we shared was so deep; please know that it was real.

'Heavy tides draw breath away,
running,
running,
the moon draws in.
Back and forth,
rocking in and out,
water above,
water below,
the call to sea'