Seventeen Rugpjūtis of Twenty Eleven

Isn't it odd how one fate has been bothering me for the last few weeks, yet within the last few days my worries have been placed in other dilemmas? Like, only yesterday, I feared for being something I will never desire or never seeing him again. But today, I have this. A fear of something much greater. The possibility of never making it to college. How?

I woke up this morning from my little brother singing loudly (and well) in the bathroom. I went to the kitchen to take some ibuprofen (I haven't been feeling well) and I sat down at the table to converse with my mother. "Did [he] contact you yesterday?" The question came quite out-of-the-blue for me and I was wondering what had caused such a sudden outburst on her part. "No, why?" I looked at her questioningly. "He came over yesterday." All of a sudden everything was falling apart. He came over yesterday. He came over yesterday. He came over yesterday. He came over yesterday. The sentence was repeating in my mind as I tried to grasp the severity of what was happening. Apparently, my brother had strolled in and interjected at this point. "He asked if you were home and when we told him you weren't, he wanted to know where you were..." Oh God. "Since I knew you were on a 'date' I told him we didn't know. He said that he knew where you were and left." WHAT?!!!!! What happened yesterday was beyond shocking, it was downright scary. My mother warned me to be very careful opening the door today, worrying he might try to come over again. Where did this come from? Why did he come to my door? Why was he trying to find me?

I sit on my bed, with the door the my room locked, in complete silence and paralyzing fear. What if he comes over today? How will I convince him to leave? Will I have to call the police. What if he breaks in? I don't understand where this is coming from. Has he decided out of no where to try to contact me? He couldn't have called or texted? My mother told me this morning that jealousy can make people do crazy things, so I shouldn't leave the house today. All of a sudden, my life is in danger. All of a sudden, my safety is compromised and my personal life exposed. Who knows how long he's possibly been waiting to see me? Has he been waiting in the shadows?

I never mentioned this incident, except once to my mother, but I feel that now could be an very critical time to bring it up. It was Friday afternoon and I was arriving home from a sleepover. As we approached the curb of my house, I noticed a van sitting down the road that looked a lot like the one he owned. As I got out of the car, I saw the van pull away and I was unable to make out the driver. But I know it was him. It all falls in place too well.

How long has he been watching me come home? Why is he showing up on my doorstep? Why can't I just go to college with some sort of peace of mind?!

'Ribbons on shadows adorn her,
gripping her limbs,
but never clutching her heart.
A mile away is the light of love,
she fights to get across her fear,
mistakes,
troubles,
worries,
lies,
deception,
and sass,
to make it to him,
and to shake her ribbons away.'