Kovo Twenty-Six of Twenty Eleven

"I miss you, maturity. I loved you with all my heart; why aren't you here anymore? I saw you yesterday. I tried to love you again. But then I remembered, I'm in love with someone else. I'm kind of tied down right now. Don't worry, I will have you soon enough." September Seventh would like to mention September Sixth.


It's only my sixty-sixth post, but I feel the need to finally relate change to my first blog.

"Change" by Taylor Swift isn't exactly the perfect representation of the difference I feel in myself between a month after my age to a two month away from the next. But, as they say, "The only constant thing in life is change," and so it stands true. I can't say I'm disappointed in my changes, nor can I say that I regret anything. (okay, maybe some geometry stuff, but other than that!)Things are definitely more exciting and I love it.

Thank you. I'm sending this out now, rather than later, rather than before, to put the true meaning behind it. Thank you, for you are my catalyst.

When I think back on my "car ride contemplations," I realise two things: one, that I don't have the time for that sort of stuff anymore; two, that fear of self cannot be overcome alone. When I say fear of self, I mean the fear that oneself will fail and thus, you fear your own failure. (It makes sense, doesn't it?) But my point is that the specific fear of failure (otherwise known as atychiphobia) can be overcome by oneself, but I wouldn't recommend it. Becoming confident enough to overcome a fear and go out and live a normal life is something that can be done, but is significantly easier when it comes to encouragement from someone else.

I feel that confidence gains comes from courage and effect. The courage is built up in the way that everyone knows: self-encouragement, persistence, positive thoughts, and (sometimes) peer pressure. (Oh, and also- theme music helps, depending on what you're doing). It just takes mental dedication and hope. Something that we all deny, but truly can't shake.
The harder part comes next: effect. This part is more difficult simply due to the fact that the effect is unpredictable and based solely (before it happens) on what the person wants. However, what we want and what we get are rarely ever the same. No, most of the time we never get the exact wording or the same amount of compliments that our immense brains have the capacity to think through instead of doing trigonometry. Yet, how is it that what we expect and what we get go together? This is solved by the simple addition of self-hatred to an equation. When you don't even have the confidence to try new things, why wouldn't you have some amount of self-esteem issues? That's the thing. Since we hate ourselves, we expect people to bash us, destroy us, and be rude. So, when it happens, we were prepared. Is it defense or the messed up patterns of society? (Or both?)

My point is that I am not longer afraid, the way I once was. With encouragement and praise, I believe in myself and I don't hate myself the way I used to. I am me, and I love me. (That will always sound conceited!)

Tipsy staggers up the stairs,
break-away to hell.
Religion follows me in,
"Mr.Anderson."
Questioning heartache,
but overcoming hate.'