Oh, sadness, hello.
One of the best relationships I ever had (the second best, mind you) was during my sophomore year. We fell in love against our own will, coming together in drama and ending in silence. It still pains me to know what suffering I have caused him.
I wish I could face him.
I still so desperately want to see him happy. I always have. Maybe if I was calmer, things would have worked out between us-maybe if I were more rash.
I don't know. There's no real justice to it.
But I apologize. I so full-heartedly apologize to you. You showed me kindness and laughter when there was none. I gave you everything you could ask for and then ripped it away. I can only now live with the ache I've caused you. I am so sorry.
I wish I could convince you. That you will find someone else, someone more beautiful, someone more compassionate, someone who will give you more love than I ever could have. Someone who will relate to you on a deeper level, someone who even your friends will like. I wish.
I wish I could share my happiness with you. I drown in joy every day. I wish I could share with you the love I receive because you deserve so much love. You deserve so much of it.
I wish that it didn't hurt you to know that I am happy.
I wish that you were happy instead of me.
I will feel guilt forever. Looming somewhere in the background of my middle-class, married life, I'll look back and remember.
Should I be sorrowful or happy about our past?
The love we shared was so deep; please know that it was real.
'Heavy tides draw breath away,
running,
running,
the moon draws in.
Back and forth,
rocking in and out,
water above,
water below,
the call to sea'
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