sliding,
deciding.
Back down just to
stand.
Who was I,
from the end?
Push and push,
she fell.
Exposed and insecure,
giving away
the only thing she had.
Hatred followed,
loss.
yet,
there was not change.
Two heart beat together for so long.
Second,
third.
How had I waited?
Tears ensued with regret.
Forgiveness.
How could I.
Fights of families.
Tearing down and tearing up.
She never truly recovered.
Forced out.
Bonding time.
Never before so close.
Remember the friendship we shared?
Dances with a gay guy,
hurt feelings.
Jealous rage from a blonde,
secret memories and a room key.
Smiles over a chocolate fountain.
Who were we?
May 27th and LAN,
Peter Piper Pizza,
we had known long before.
Denial and self-hatred.
A promise to not kiss.
I failed.
Three weeks.
June 18th.
I knew then.
Something was there.
Beating hearts fast
and cartoon drawings on foggy night windows,
1 AM.
True love.
Break-ups and admitting.
Loss, but no regret.
Hard work and further denial.
I finally got back what I thought I wanted.
There was talk,
of girlish dreams
and I was desperate for commitment
that I wasn't keeping.
Choices.
Pick one.
Make up your mind.
Do you even know what you want?
I can't stay away.
Final loss.
Begging.
I thought I was right,
you were right,
no.
Broken down,
alone,
destroying anyone who cared,
making little monsters.
Who have I become?
Every night,
cuddles and friendship.
Talk of romance and travel.
Education.
Dreams.
Now I can smile,
lay my head.
Be loved instead of hated.
Even if things don't go okay.
I love myself.
Thank you, 2011.
