Does anyone else sense irony? Today is the year of two, if we had lasted past one. If we had lasted at all. Today, I experienced nostalgia of our relationship past and realized nothing. If there were something new to shed light on, maybe there would be something else to think, but by this time if there's nothing new, there never will be. And such is life. I recall that we had the same teacher-Mr.Seeley. He was a fabulous English teacher and we both loved him, despite he constant teasing. "I became I teacher because it's the easiest way to torture students." Now, he's the irony, I saw him today. We chatted for only a minute; we were both on our ways to our various classrooms. He is still quite entertaining to chat with; I do miss his class. I saw the irony. And Dun would say that it was a sign and Matt and I should get back together. I will never take that bit of advice.
Yes, I was being rude on Tuesday night. It makes me sad to think that I had to show you that side of myself. Sometimes, I just freak out, snap, fall apart, et cetera. But I guess I was tired of putting up with it. I feel bad and everytime it gets mentioned, which it occasionally will, it puts both of us in a bad mood sort of rut. I need to mention now though, why I did this. On this day. Ironically. I told you because I don't want to lose you. I have learned so many things from my last relationship, especially the fact that the hardest thing to do is tell someone you like the truth. I don't like hurting people; it's my Virgo. Yet, my Carpricorn has learned. I broke up with him on Feburary 25, 2009 because I could not communicate with him. It was killing me to keep to myself and it came to the point where I could no longer self-sacrifice, or I would lose everything. Anyways, that's why I was so mean. I can't afford to lose you, so I had to talk to you. I had to tell the truth because without it, it would have come to the extreme of us breaking up. I wanted to our relationship the right way, and so I did.
You're not a Bhuddist. I don't think you understand. The past is in the past, but people use it in the future and it does effect the future. I know you're trying to put it behind us and move on to brighter days, but we might need to dwell on this a moment longer. I don't want this to come between us, like things have before. The accident on your day of birth still hangs over my head. I just wish I could wash all my mistakes away. But I'm not perfect, and neither are you. I just don't want you to use this against me; I can't stand another emotional hit.
A scented breeze runs through the trees;
it smelled of the sun and sand.
Like warmth and closure,
the wind surrounded me.
I closed my eyes from above the world
and watched the breeze fall away.
Yet darkness looms between us,
the world and me.
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