My home is an aerie, and I am a death hawk. I rip through friendships like a shredder to paper, and manage to destroy them irrevocably. Without even trying to. Maybe I am a little vague and ambivalent, but you are the one who keeps abstaining from seeing me. We have plans and one little detail gets changed, or one little thing changes, and soon enough, we can't hang out anymore. Faster than that, our friendship falls apart.
We can't just wait for someone to shout to us from the belfry and tell us what to do. We need to act of our own accord, make plans and stick to them, have ideas for chilling. We have to be adults here or else this is never going to work out. And if our friendship falls apart, I'm going to cry like a girl who was assailed and raped.
Remember when you promised me that'd you always be there? What happened to that? Or, is it a constant thing that boys do-this lying to girls thing? I never thought I could trust a boy, but my heart is breaking at the thought of you leaving, so clearly I beleieved that you were honest. Out of nowhere, our friendship is apathetic to you. It's not like I couldn't feel you drifting away, but today it was almost a slap in the face when you just left. You didn't know where you were going, but it seemed better than where you were-with me.
Can't we comprimise or make an amalgamation? I want to work this out. I...don't want to lose you. I believe in you. And you should know as well as I do that I might have been your only advocate for a long while there. I know you're good; our friendship is not based around pity.
I promised you that I'd be there too. Maybe it's banal, to promise anymore, but I still did. I want to hold out that promise. Without friendship though, it turns me into a stalker...and that's not really awkward at all, is it? And yes, this is all a little ambiguous, but I'm trying to reach out to you! I'm trying to articulate my voice and say that I LOVE YOU! And I cannot bear to lose you as a friend. I never thought you were this important.
Even though I was an advocate, I knew I was a little antagonistic sometimes. Through all those times I wouldn't speak to you, I just didn't have words to say. I couldn't think of how to address the problem, so I basically ran away from it. But I am done running; I'm here to stay.
Saralynn told me straight out that we could not be friends anymore. Personally, I could not tell you if it alleviated the pain at all. I was still broken up inside, still hurt. But, I guess, blunt it best. Can't this be easier? I'm not tryong to adulterate our friendship here, but can't we try and work this out? Give it another go? I'm your friend, and that should be a god damn axiom.
Remember how long we have known each other. All the times we have shared. Every memory and every moment. Our friendship now is archaic, it's developed by our past, just like we are. Every day changes us more and more; we grow and mature. I want us to grow together though, like two heads of broccoli. I'd rather us be analogous than nothing at all. Even though that was already slightly, okay majorly, implied.
You've affected my life, though. I hate to admit it, but it's true. You made my heart skip beats and made me do stupid, crazy, girly things. I'll never forget that. Maybe I seem austere now, but I'm not. Someday, maybe you'll make me that same girl I was in ninth grade. But up until that acme, we should stay friends.
You're aesthetic, did you know? To me, at least. I see you with arbitrating eyes, completely unbais. Do you see me the same? Or, have I mistakenly crossed the borderline?
Christ, I feel audacious and irregularly bombastic, but this is how I feel. The only way I can even begin to think of how to tell you how important this friendship is to me. And I'm not sure if you fully comprehend, but I want you to know that you are muy importante para mi. Those are my arbitrary feelings. I'm sorry if I offended you.
Maybe this will only be an abeyance...
'Where is my amulet
to ward this evil off my back?
This pain destoys me.
I close my mind,
shut out this world.
Spinning, I can only see you.
Don't leave this.
Don't leave me.'
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