Maybe it's just a crazy feeling inside me, something girly, something like fire. And I know that I have certainly lashed out at people. And that my ways of coping are random and bipolar. But what else am I supposed to do? I do not understand the way I feel, or what I can do. Everything I knew about life is backwards, twisted inside out and upside down. Where do I go from here, now that everything that was right is wrong? While A is Z and B is Y, I can not figure out what to do.
It isn't like this was easy for me to say. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to do this. I don't think you did either. And I was upset about it. That's why it's been avoided for the past few days. I am still upset. I don't think you notice it though. Probably because I have turned myself a different character whenever I am around. With other people, it's like I'm on a drug-too happy and giggly for it to make sense. With you, I become a robot. I'm stuck on one-word answers. Everything is summed up.
Now, I have a dilema. One I never thought I would have to make. Everything was so black and white before all of this. Sometimes I just wish this had never happened, any of it. Yet, it did and neither of us can turn back time. So, how will this end? Not easily. No matter what I decide, it will be hard on me because I am so dang confused. ...Why did you do this to me?
'Face in my hands,
the darkness is warmth.
The smell of death creeps
luring me into its nausea.
Silence is my escape,
and emotions are like rockets.
My heart is one fire,
and my mind is ice.'
Did he hurt you?
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