It's funny how distance is interpreted. I feel as though a galaxy has separated us because without his words, he could go any distance near or far from me, but I would still feel that gap. Even though I know perfectly well where he is, sleeping in his bed, not more than a few towns over. It's funny how isolated being without him makes me feel. It's actually kind of pathetic. Last night, I sat around and tried to picture what he was doing, when he went to bed, but mainly I pondered why he wasn't responding. It was long before he went anywhere. Is he mad at me? (I always ask this question first) I always have to reason with myself that, no, he isn't mad at me because he would tell me so. But then what? Is he too busy to talk? It's never been that way before. Maybe he's just stressed. There's not really anyway for me to make reason.
Everywhere I know he is, there's no response. "Love is Patience."
I don't know what's going on anymore. I was so excited to have one friend, someone who wasn't interested in me, someone who wanted to talk about girls, politics, and anything other than getting in my pants. I guess I was wrong about having a friend like that. (Here's where the tears come.) I've been so desperate for a superficial companionship, nothing that involved romance. I miss the friends I, so easily, threw away and can never see again. I know now that he was the last one left and that now I have no friends. I guess this is what I get for picking guys.
It came directly out-of-the-blue too. I mean, sure, some things about these plans seem suspicious, but I like to give the benefit of the doubt. As we chatted, I was so elated to have a friend who would gossip with me and we could talk about the social circle that we were once in and what a jerk that other guy was. I remember him saying that he didn't even seem remorseful after everything he messed up. Even though it was my fault too, he knew what he was destroying and he never even cared. Then, it was like they had just switched bodies and he was acting like him. It made me sick. All of a sudden it was like he turned into the immature, hormonal teenager that I had just been so disgusted with. I don't know what to do anymore.
I have six hours and no friends.
'Forced down,
she stays trapped in guilt,
hidden with fear.
Begging for someone to speak.
Light the way.
Buried beneath herself
and the oppressor's weight.'
He actually is mad. :/
Things are being resolved. This quote sucks, "Jesus christ, I apparently wasn't wrong that public opinion of you paints you as a total whore,"
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