This is where I guess I should figure out where to start. I mean, I've got a couple issues pressing down on my mental capacity and I don't know what should come first. I suppose, a follow-up.
I haven't talked to him or seen him. Sometimes I hear his voice or his laugh and wonder how he is, but I deal with it. I heard that it did not matter if I still wanted to be his friend because, apparently, he didn't want to be mine. Hey, I don't blame him. I guess it's heartbreaking in its own way, but now that I know, I feel like I'm going to have some relief and that I can finally just give up. It's not like I was going to try to change anything anyways. I knew that I shouldn't.
Onto a change!
I feel that my relations with men and women are so different. Although I have interest in both, I'm finally realizing why women don't appeal to me anatomically. See, the thing with men is they're fast-paced. They like to be tough and play rough and break the rules. With a man, I'd still love to settle down, but I feel like I wouldn't want to sleep through many nights. However, with women, I like to picture a married life where I hold her hand and snuggle her in the night. I would love to settle in with a woman, not be sexual with her. I don't think I have any sexual attraction to a woman (okay, maybe a little), but I'm more interested in her as a being. I think I'd kiss her and caress her, but really my interest in a woman extends not far beyond just wanting to be married, fall in love, and kiss her.
It explains a lot, though. It's why I hate seeing girls on the internet. I could care less about her being sexy (but she can't be ugly-I want her to take care of herself). There's never been anything special about the nude female body to me (maybe it's because I am a female).
This doesn't mean I am any less attracted to women; it simply expresses my type of attraction.
'The smell of flowers flows through her hair,
her dress pushes against her in the wind.
A smile pushes her lips against her teeth,
and melody sings through her mouth.
Suddenly, she collapses.
The wheat in her hair,
tears fall onto the soft Earth,
and she curls.
Ball.'
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