Two Rugsėjis of Twenty Eleven

Being here is like a new world. Yes, this is my home. But everything is a reflection now. Remember when we set up yard sale signs there? Remember when he got his first kiss there? Remember when we used to walk from every football game and get pizza? Everything's gone.

"Her eyes like windows, trickling pain."

I have had the oddest, most entertaining week ever. He came on Thursday afternoon and we went to lunch. They had his favorite sandwich. Within two days, he ate five (although I suppose that isn't particularly impressive, just surprising.) It was amazing having him around. We watched "Armageddon" and "A Beautiful Mind." We stayed up 'til one, and we laughed, snuggled, and generally enjoyed each other's company. It was amazing. At one point, the suspense was killing me. I rolled over and looked at him (across the room), "Does this mean we're together again?" It did. I AM OFFICIALLY THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON THE PLANET. I could smile for hours. Every shadow of life I saw has disappeared and I am surround by a dazzling light. I have no worries. Life is perfect. No matter what I struggle with, knowing that he loves me and wants to be with me, I have no struggle. I have no pain with him. Suffering is a foreign thing. Coming to him in between classes was amazing. I'd rush up to see him and he'd just hold me, or I'd just hold him. And it was amazing.

Is it weird that I can someday imagine us being together in a home?

So, AWKWARD. I got a little sick. I think it wasn't bad because it's not really something I wanted and I think he knew that. It just made me sad/embarrassed because I was really working hard for something I really wanted and had been looking forward. And I didn't only mess it up for me, I messed it up for him too. He'll deny it, but I had to stop. And that means Apollo I failed. :( Oh well. Maybe next time I'll know. Also, is that a box in the road ahead? I FREAKIN' LOVE THAT.

I'm trying not to think about leaving home again. It'll make me too sad. I know that I have to leave again and I don't want to. I talked to my mom about transferring to the school I hate.

I have been faced with a challenge I don't know if I can meet. How do you describe amazing? Where your heart beats fast just to think about it? Where being with them is as satisfying as the warm sun on your back or a cool drink in the hot sun? Where do you begin to describe something as sweet as candy and as amazing as having unlimited money? It's as pleasant as a bubble bath and as fun as making a bubble beard. I wouldn't know what to say. It's on the tip of my tongue. Everything I want to say about him is trying to spill out and make me writes pages and pages until I write a billion novellas, but it just won't come. I'm so close to feeling the wind whipping through my hair, but I can't make the jump. Something is stopping me. Maybe it's just too much information flowing through my mind at once. I don't know if I'll be able to gather my thoughts before Tuesday.

'Kittens and Korn,
paradoxical statements are simplistic
and love is complicated.
LoveDon't break this ground.
I can see your laughter in the sunshine.'