Saturday, September 10, 2011

Ten Rugsėjis of Twenty Eleven

I don't remember how it started, but then again you never really do. I remember that he slept over at my house, the real one, not my dorm. I don't remember how I woke in the dream, but I remember being careful about it so that he could rest. I went to go do some work around the house. Eventually, I went back to see him, gave him a morning kiss and I went back to my work. Somehow, his brother was there and by the time I went back a second time to visit, they were talking about my ex that I went to visit. In this dream, I had hung out with my ex once more after he tried to hit on me the last time we hung out. He was upset that I hung out with this guy and took a risk without telling him, understandably. I told him that nothing happened and I wouldn't have let anything happen, so he shouldn't worry. I gave him another kiss, leaving him to chat with his brother, and I went off to do some more work (which I have no idea what it was). When I came back to my room, he was long gone. Apparently he had walked out, without even saying goodbye. Most of the internet doesn't know this, but that's just out-of-the-ordinary. I wanted to cry. If felt so hurt by the fact that he would just walk away after having such a wonderful sleepover. Only a few minutes later, he texted me and asked me to go to IHOP with him and he brother (like we had somehow originally planned).

What a weird dream. Maybe I'm worried that he'll just get up and leave someday. Maybe I think that he's getting worried that I won't be able to handle the boys. I mean, he has every right to feel that way. But it's funny, ever since this summer, I've been getting better at saying no. When my ex (the one that I saw again in the dream), tried to hit on me and tell me he wanted to be with me again, I told him I wasn't interested and that I was actually trying to attach myself to someone else. I said no. But that's not the point. I think my dream was trying to tell me that I'm afraid of losing him and that no matter when he leaves, it's going to break my heart. I don't want to lose him (again/ever).

'Twirling through a wheat plain,
she finds herself alone again.
Instead of calling out for help,
she made a soft yelp.
Suddenly she lay in wheat,
two small snakebites on her feet,
and while she never made it home,
she knew the dangers of her roam.'

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