Tonight, it started with a video.
I've felt this need building inside me for a few weeks now. Something dying to be pushed out, but there was never enough push. I cried yes, but I still haven't had the good cry I've been needing. I know it's coming soon. But it leaves me with an emptiness in my stomach that makes me more solemn than I was to start.
Why does this even matter?
People have always said that it's the little things that count.
NO. FUCK THIS SHIT.
I stood up for myself. Something I grew up with. I provided the facts and my beliefs that came with it. I explained that it was something I had never used and wasn't comfortable with. AND YOU'RE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
WELL, EXCUSE ME, PRINCESS, BUT YOU'RE QUITE THE HYPOCRITE. I took a stance, you took a stance. But the phrase, "I could never marry a girl who didn't cook with stick butter" is a little too much. I'm part of this relationship too. I should get my say. You took me back, so you accepted the fact that I deserved a say again. I'm so sorry that I decided to have my say. (Or maybe I shouldn't use sorry there since you hate it so much).
At least I would never toss someone out over something so petty as a dairy product.
'Fire and ice,
the winds of hell whip.
The red falls to the lava pits,
engulfed in destruction,
destroyed with misery.'
I realize I couldn't fight anymore. I just sat there, consumed by something so overwhelming that I knew I couldn't fight it and I couldn't stop it. It was everywhere. It forced itself over my entire body, in my hair, my eyes, covering my arms and legs; it surrounded me. I lost. There was no fight I could win against this. Hopefully it will stop feeling so annoying.
I think the struggle is that I want to be heard and thus, I must be defiant.
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