She stands at the far end of the block. One of her arms is held, actually her hand, by a tall source of warmth. She turns to him and smiles, flashing him a caring look. She turned back and stares down the street. The sound of construction workers and heavy machinery hit her before the actual sight of orange vests and torn up streets. The road was a busy place, not only full of life with revision, but with people making their way along the road, stopping in stores or continuing on to work. Squinting, she could view a girl in bright, vivid blue. Lifting her free arm, she flailed her arm about at the figure. Her intentions were to have the girl recognize her, but also a small beckon for her to join them. However, the girl did not move. She saw a few guys pass by. Nothing changed. She turned again to face the man behind her and gave a weak smile. She pushed herself onto her tip-toes and kissed him. She turned back, squeezing his hand, and waited for the girl in blue.
I'll always wonder my life will take me. I am a being of curiosity. I someday picture myself older and sitting in a rocking chair. Surrounded by no one. I always have. No grandchildren, no children, and no man. I wonder why that is. Am I to die alone? It couldn't really be that bad. Or will I just never get over you?
I spend all my time, now, wondering what we're going to do. It's awful being in love. I see the last day of school (before winter break) over and over again in my head, replaying the same sad movie. We're sitting together on the bench, like we used to every day before this year/before it got hot again. I'm holding your hand. I read the text that your mom sent you (because you had your phone out. [We were texting each other.]) and told you that you should go. (She'd been there for five minutes waiting). I kiss you. I tell you to wait a second and grab my backpack. I pull out our black notebook and hand it to you with hopeful eyes. We stand. You grab my waist and we kiss again. You look into my eyes and say, "Goodbye." Then, you head over to the parking lot and get into the car and you're gone. Sometimes, it kills me inside. I laid awake yesterday and couldn't sleep. You're leaving, I know. It's hard to accept, but yes, you're going and there's nothing I can do. Or you can do. I want you to go; it's your destiny. It is the path that fate has chosen you to take; don't sacrifice all that you were meant to experience. Don't deny your life. I'm just your girlfriend.
Sometimes I wonder if this feeling inside me really is love. I always knew it to be heartbreak. That's always how it's felt. It kind of feels that way now. I act like it will be over when you go. But won't it? We'll be so far apart. It'll be so hard.
The only thing I can think of to say is... I don't want to go on without you.
'Quickly grab and open heart,
pull you through the door.
Go in,
I must leave.
You can be happy,
the hallway is for me.'
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