I'm not sure how to feel anymore. One day, I'm crazy, but the next... I'm unsure. It can't be this grievous pain that is ailing me, for it has only bothered me for the last few days. Yet, this has been burrowed in the back of my head for at least a week. I keep going up and down like my whole world is head-banging. Is there no middle ground? Is the path I am choosing to become impasse? Oh, world, don't do this to me. I care, and I do not like conflict.
According to my horoscope, you were suposed to make your move on the eleventh. Now, everytime I see you, I'm waiting for you to make your move. I doubt that day will ever come, but a girl may always dream. However, a Taurus girl hates conflict; if it were a person, she would burn it at the stake and scream, "WITCH! WITCH!" even if doesn't believe in witches at all. So, I am yet again conflicted. I know this situation is not innocuous.
To go slightly off topic today, my little brother just insulted me. I try to convey a relevent point to someone, my brother is talking about the football game with my father, and I try to mention to him the run during the Cardinal's game today. Yeah, they ran some ninety yards into the end zone, only to get called on holding and loose the seven points. Anyways, I'm telling him about it and he says, "I don't even care. I don't care what they did." That bothers me. I try to reach out to someone, only to be put down. "You can never trust a boy."
Back to the conflicting situation, I am trying my hardest to reach out to you. I mean, I do feel guilty at times, but that feeling is over-ruled by my Capricorn. (Yes, I have recently discovered that my Capricorn loves to break and test rules that she won't get in trouble for.) My flirting has become a hyperbole. I push my giggling to new limits, hoping you will reach back to me. I practically intgratiate to you. Honestly, I am sure I have a seriously problem with senseless flirting. Maybe I just want to know that someone who doesn't have to like me, does. Maybe my Taurus just needs the reassurance of her sex appeal. I don't know. My poor boyfriend.
On the other hand, I can not really say about him either. Your personality has become hermetic, and I am not a man. Getting lids off of pickle jars is a man's work; unfortunately, I cannot help you. If you are impervious to letting someone into your soul, then how do you expect me to make it through lines of armed guards? I'm not invincible. I kind of blame myself. There must have been something I did to drive you away. Why won't you tell me what has gotten you so upset? I've been intimate with you for almost a year now. When will you show me who you are? Another thing is, I'm not gullible or stupid. I am a Virgo. So, if you don't tell me and I know something is wrong (which I will; it's called a woman's intuition), then I will automatically blame myself. My brain says, 'Did you insult him? Are you not making him happy anymore? Does he not love you? Does he suspect you? Has he simply lost interest in you? What did you do to him?' And it is those questions that make me lie awake at night and dread the next day. The questions that make me pull my hair out and cry myself to sleep. In my head, I can picture me falling to the ground and groveling to you. I would demean myself, fall on the floor and make myself into soemthing completely worthless, if only to know what you think of me. There is something between us; I can feel it. Nevertheless, when I ask you, you become intransigent to your original answer; "I'm fine. Nothing is wrong." You're breathing lies to me and I can't breath anything but double oxygen molecules. I will always wish to be homogenous to you, but never shall we be with the attitude I see.
Okay, seriously, Dude, that was just cruel. You were one of the reasons for sacrifice, one of the reasons everything is about to change very quickly. I can feel the drama heading towards us like a storm; the dirt is already kicking up and getting in my eyes. I wish to call you so many names, including an ingrate. You must have no idea of the sacrifice that there was involved. You have no idea what that decision put her through. Everyone is only proving to her that no one really does care for her, when truly it's wrong. If I watch her self-esteem plummet once more, someone will lose their head. And you guys are nic people too, we never saw this coming. Not even a text. Not even a "Wish I could be there." Not even a "Happy Birthday!" Nothing. Someone will be punished for this. Back to you, I want the truth. Be explicit with me. Tell me why you did not arrive; why there wasn't even a text or a call. "You can never trust a boy." Oh, and you (other boy), the Cory muscle you can't pull here. We can read straight through your lies.
Furthermore, I would like to say that you can't conduct a full interogation on her. This isn't some inquest; it was a sleepover. You have to understand, things don't get forced out of people without them resenting it. She seems to be ingenuous. Let her dark side reveal itself as it wishes. I understand that it's frustrating, waiting for her to tell you. We just want to help. Don't force her though. She's intractable. I see at least one Earth sign behind her. She's got the stubborness of a Taurus. Trust me, there's no forcing that wall down. You simply have to wait for it to crumble. You can't imbue that wall.
'These curses surround me,
the Devil's magic takes my soul.
I can only fight for so long.
Please, save me.
I pray to the only hope I know.
One person,
his back is turned to me.
Thank you, God.'
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