Oh, cruel world, I am not so intrepid. In fact, I am inundated by my own worry and sorrow. Please, excuse the following infective.
FUCK THIS SITUATION! WHY IS LIFE SO FUCKING GOD DAMN HARD?!?! THIS IS SHIT! FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKNESS!!!!!!!! ARGH! I AM SO FRUSTRATED BY ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT THAT I CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND! D:<
Anyways (sorry, needed a moment), this will be the short itinerant of my day. Woke up. Turned off alarm. Forgot to his snooze. Jumped out of bed at six. Washed hair in sink. Turned on phone. Texted friend "Happy Birthday." Put makeup on. Got dressed. Wished Mom happy birthday. Friend came over. Breakfast. Went to Dutch Brothers. Went to school. Hung with friends at table. Subtly confronted boyfriend problems. Kissed boyfriend. School. Got kicked out of European Club. Went to lunch. Kissed boyfriend. Watched friends battle pokémon. School. Got yelled at by anatomy teacher for bad grades. Went home. Flopped on the couch and wondered about my life. Made noodles (couldn't eat). Got hair cut. Played volleyball. Did vocab. Now we're here. There's some of my jargon for your brain.
I am flustered. I debate my amount of trust for you now, with this distance between us and getting larger as time passes. I have not decided what I wish to do yet. I mean, I certainly don't want to jettison our relationship, but can I get too attached if you're going to leave? (Oh, where is the judicious side of me? Normally, I can see the answer to my problems with a keen eye...). I can hear the knells for our relationship now as I lament. It's depressing. And I am at some terrible degree of pain. Even more, our relationship is only at it nuance.
The thing is that I can not just fully give you my heart so that you can make out on with another girl. If you expect me not to be conflicted, it's like larceny of my heart. I'm just leery of the time to come. (Sorry, I don't mean to sound lavish. Okay, maybe a little.)
I am so lethargic from volleyball. 6-2 is the worst rotation ever. D': Maybe I'm not as liberal as I was previously about it. I was, originally, looking forward to going back to old rotation. Not anymore. Now, I'm completely listless about it. It's so complicated! Our old rotation seems lucid in comparison. Plus, 4-2 is malleable to our players; this just makes me run into people. It's hard to be meticulous when you're learning something new. I miss the monotony! Oh, how naïve was I...
I am forever obstinate in my contradictions.
Latent, I draw you in,
kindling what we have.
Blinded, I only shed a tear,
you are luminous.
Don't set,
Sunshine.'
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